Quips and Quotes

November 1, 2012 / Sarah Grace’s Thoughts on Dads and Boys

Sarah Grace’s thoughts on dads: “Every daddy should have a little girl”.

Sarah Grace’s commentary on boys at school:

Boy 1:  He can be nice, but he makes bad choices.
Boy 2:  He is disgusting.
Boy 3:  He said he wanted to fight me.  I said if that was the case then I would call my Daddy, and my Daddy has big biceps so he better be ready.

October 28 / Kids and Boogers

Sarah Grace:  Ugh.  I think I am getting a cold. I have a gooey booger flavored throat.
Noah:  How do you know what a booger tastes like?
Sarah Grace (exasperated):  We’ve all experienced that, even you, Noah.  No one’s perfect.

October 24 / Brothers

Our family room tonight:  Samuel doing math homework and Noah practicing guitar.
Samuel:  Can you stop it?
Noah:  No.
Samuel:  Can you stop being so loud?
Noah (artistically offended): Uh, no! You can’t contain music!

October 23 / Holidays?

My Dad and I were on the phone and Dad asked if we had Halloween plans with the kids next week.  I asked what day Halloween was.  Joel, who was listening, said “It’s the 31st.”  No kidding, Sherlock.  Would that be this year or all years?  Joel, laughing, said “OH, its Wednesday.  And, Christmas is December 25th.” So helpful.

October 19, 2012 / Fashion Fail

Sarah Grace and I had a girls’ night out tonight at the movies. As we dressed, she said “You look good.”  Well, thank you, I said.  But, she wasn’t finished.  “Yup, you look all Mom-like.”  Oh.  That stings a little.

October 5, 2012/ Favorite Store

The kids and I made it to Orlando. As we drove, we passed a Hooters. Sarah Grace said “Look Mom, there’s your favorite store. Didn’t you used to go there all the time?” I’m not sure where she got that idea because I have never been in a Hooters. At least she didn’t spring that on me in public.

September 16, 2012 / Creation

Our church service was held on Roan Mountain today under a large picnic shelter with a potluck lunch afterwards.  The weather was slightly cool and we were next to a grassy area where the children could run and play.  During the children’s sermon, the teacher asked the children to look around at the beautiful scene and asked if anyone knew how long it took for God to create the world.  They all answered six days and God rested on the seventh.  Then, the teacher posed a rhetorical question, “Just think, if man tried to create all this, how long do you think it would take?”  But, Sarah Grace answered her.  “Oh, about two months.”


September 10, 2012

Joel and I are watching t.v. just now and see for the first time the new Hardee’s ad with the scantily dressed girls eating burgers with their arms entwined while introducing a new hamburger / pork bbq combination.

Me: “Oh, good grief.”

Joel: “Yeah, I can’t believe they put pulled pork on a hamburger.”


September 6, 2012

As we drove by a local historical site, Sarah Grace said “Yeah, I’ve been there. They show you all that 1980’s stuff.”

September 6, 2012

Samuel: “What size is my bed?”

Me: “A queen.”

Samuel: “What size is your bed?”

Me: “A king.”

Samuel: “Are you sure my bed is a queen? I thought it was prince sized.”


August 22, 2012

Noah to Joel: “Dad, is it really true that I look like you when you were little?”

Joel: “Yes, it is. There’s a good chance you will look me when you are older too.”

Noah (surprised): “Oh, crud!”


August 15, 2012 / Kindergarten Is Hard

Oh, Samuel. Our little third grade curmudgeon. While reviewing work sent home, here is what I found:

Assignment: Write a letter to (child’s name) telling her what to expect in kindergarten.

Samuel’s letter:

“Dear (child),

Don’t think kindergarten will be easy. Trust me.

Your Friend,



August 6, 2012

Recent comments by Noah:

We spent Friday at Dollywood and I rode all of the coasters with him until 10 p.m. The Wild Eagle is our favorite. But, I have never ridden any coaster anywhere in the front seat and he really wanted to do that. I am scared of the front seat. But, he wore me down. We rode in the front seat of the Wild Eagle and to use Noah’s word, it was awesome! So much more fun than in any other row. When we got off, Noah sweetly said “Mom, aren’t you glad I encouraged you to do that? I’m really proud that you conquered your fears.”

Today Joel took the kids to see his parents. Joel had a pair of his old jeans in the front seat and Noah wanted to know why. Joel explained that Grammy makes purses out of old jeans. Noah said “That’s going to be one huge purse. Maybe even luggage.”. 🙂


August 1, 2012 / Communion

On the way to church this morning, I explained that today would be Communion, and that our former Baptist church called it The Lord’s Supper. I explained that we would do it a little differently than we were used to and that we would walk to the front of the church to receive the bread and juice and kneel at the prayer rail. They took it all in. They said they understood. And, as I parked the car, Noah nonchalantly said “Well, let’s go in and get this reunion thing figured out.”


August 2, 2012

We have a dog and a cat. Noah wants a snake. Nope. Not gonna happen. On the way home from PetSmart today, the following exchange took place:

Noah: “Dad, normally snakes are like $100, but they have them for only $75.”

Samuel: “Noah, that won’t work. I know what you are trying to do. I’ve had years of experience at this.”


July 15, 2012

On the way to church this morning, the boys were engaged in typical low-level sibling antagonism of back and forth barbs. Samuel though was more irritated and spouted off some grumpy retort to Noah. Clearly, Noah had gotten Samuel’s goat. But Samuel’s last salvo didn’t make the impact he had hoped for. Instead, Noah, Mr. Cool and Unruffled, said “Whatever, dude. Anger issues.” And Sarah Grace piled it on by saying, “Oooo, you got burned.” I just gripped the steering wheel and tried not to laugh.


June 22, 2012

The kids came home from camp this afternoon. We were so eager to hug them. They walked in and I said “We’re so glad you are home. We missed you!” Samuel says “Oh good, you didn’t kill anything while we were gone.”


June 15, 2012 / Bunnies Make it All Better

We are at a waterpark for our last day of vacation. Joel and Noah rode the super tall body slide (8 stories tall) and the guy ahead of them in the start position…tall and quite portly…said he was uncertain about going. Joel said “You can do it. Just cross your arms and legs and go.” Noah added “It might help to close your eyes and think of bunnies.”


June 10, 2012 / Children Say the Darndest Things

I have five children in my solo care tonight. I took them to Cracker Barrel and asked our two guests about their birthdays. One said her birthday was early December and that she was a Christmas baby. Sarah Grace, after hearing that said loudly—in front of the waitress–“And I’m a VACATION baby!”

The waitress’ eyebrows went up and I said while turning crimson “No, no, no, no! Your birthday is in June which a lot different than being a vacation baby.”

Oh my.


June 9, 2012

The boys’ discussion today in the car (they just finished second grade):

Samuel: “Man, the girls in my class are so serious about everything. They don’t think anything is funny.”

Noah: “Yeah. They’ll never make it through middle school if they can’t laugh or take a joke.”


May 13, 2012

This afternoon we settled in and declared it to be Family Movie Day. We chose Mission Impossible but only seconds into it Sarah Grace was not pleased at all. After it was over she asked Joel, somewhat scoldingly “Could we please pick a movie that is appropriate for me and not violent?”


May 7, 2012 / Hangover

Today Noah stayed home per doctor’s instructions and I worked from home this afternoon because Joel had to be out of town this afternoon and evening. Noah slept this afternoon for several hours.

He woke up and said “Man, I am so thirsty after blacking out like that.” To which I instructed him that napping and “blacking out” are not the same concepts….not even close.

Just in case he repeats that outside our presence, we do not have an 8 year old alcoholic. 😉


May 2, 2012

While joking around with Noah, I said to him, jokingly, aren’t I hi-lar-i-ous? Noah, deadpan, says: “Mom, you aren’t funny. In fact you are a crime against funny.”


May 2, 2012

Joel, while checking FB, says to me “What’s up with (person)? Her life is crazy. What’s up with all these posts? I mean one minute she’s in love and the next she’s broken up.”

I say back to him, dryly: “Those are song lyrics. She posts quotes from songs a lot.”

Joel: “Oh.”

I could not stop laughing.


April 24, 2012

My daughter dressed herself without me giving it the once over today. We were a little rushed this morning and Joel had the kids in the car waiting on me to hop in and drive them to school. As she exited the car at school, I saw the explosion of pattern and color….white with pastel polka dot leggings, a muted black and grey animal print skirt, a plaid jewel tones vest and a long sleeve teal colored t-shirt with rhinestones. Whoa. But, she is happy and confident, so who cares?


March 4, 2012

Sarah Grace to me: “Mom, I want to learn how to cook. I don’t want to be a bad cook.”

Samuel to Sarah Grace: “Sarah Grace, ask the master. Go find Dad.”


February 27, 2012

Sarah Grace, wrapped in a bath towel, and play feuding with Samuel: “Oh, it’s on. It’s on buddy.”

Me to Sarah Grace: “How about you get some jammies on? That’s what needs to be on.”

She rolls her eyes at me and flounces upstairs.


February 4, 2012 / Revenge

Sarah Grace locked her brothers in the basement today. Joel heard banging and went to investigate and found the boys. He went upstairs to SG’s room and asked her why she did that. Sarah Grace said “I got my revenge. I am mad at them. I am sick and tired of them.” And to top it off, she left each brother a note on his bed saying “Revenge.”

Boys, you better not mess with your baby sister.


November 20, 2011 / Balls

As a Mom to boys, and as one who had no brothers, I sometimes find myself clueless. And, as some of you know my boys well have noticed, Noah can really say things that are so funny and yet so inappropriate. Case in point:

Noah runs inside from the play fort and says: “Mom, I just busted my balls!”

Me, oblivious and somewhat distracted: “What balls?” (Thinking to myself soccer, football, tennis, basketball? How did they break?)

Noah, with an exasperated glance downward while gesturing: “Mom!!”

Me: “Oh, those! Are you okay??”

Lord, help me. I need it. He’s only 8!


September 12, 2011

Joel’s grandmother turned 100 on Saturday. Noah said “She must be the oldest person alive!” Joel told him that the oldest living person presently is 116. Noah thought for a second and then said “Mamaw can beat that!”


August 4, 2011

Noah: “What’cha doing?”

Me: “Sending Babi a message.” (FYI: She is one of our Brazilian friends)

Noah: “Are you sure your message will go all the way to Brazil??”


June 20, 2011  / Weirdo and Dufus

Overheard during the tucking in routine:

Samuel to Noah: “Goodnight, Weirdo.”

Noah to Samuel: “Goodnight, Dufus.”

And then lots of laughter.


May 19, 2011 / Jerkface

Grandaddy to Noah: “Noah, do you remember what you used to call Samuel? You used to call him Sam-el.”

Noah to Grandaddy: “Yeah, but now I prefer to call him Jerk-face.” (Toothy grin)

Ah, brotherly love. 🙂


March 8, 2011 / Mini-Mom

Me to boys at the supper table: “Boys, quit fussing with each other. Now eat.”

Seconds later, Me to boys: “I said quit picking at each other. Eat your supper.”

Milliseconds later, Me to boys: “I MEAN it. NOW.”

Sarah Grace, with a sigh: “Raising kids is so hard.”


February 9, 2011

Sarah Grace’s commentary tonight after both boys were untruthful about brushing their teeth: “Lies are a terrible thing to God.”

Zing. Couldn’t have said it better myself. How’s that for a dose of sisterly guilt? 🙂


February 9, 2011

Samuel found a small knife to cut an apple. (I had JUST walked out of the kitchen when he did this). Knife slipped and he cut the fleshy part of his thumb. He walked into my room with a very bloody hand. He was super cool. “Ooh, look! I get to see real blood!” The wound wasn’t bad. Cleaned it, applied pressure, and put a Band-Aid on it. Lecture about knives given too. He’ll make a great doc one day.


December 8, 2010

Patience. I need a lot of it at the moment. Samuel is having a meltdown because I insisted that he complete his homework neatly and with proper punctuation and use of capitals. He knows how to do it, but wants to rush through it just to say that he is done. Frankly, his handwriting looks like chicken scratch. Just like Grandaddy’s. Definitely a future doctor in the making. LOL


September 14, 2010

Noah announced to the Cub Scout den meeting tonight “My mom says selling popcorn is annoying and she doesn’t want to do it.” I guess I’m officially the Scrooge of upper East TN scouting. I can’t blame him though b/c I did tell him that selling stuff is annoying after a flyer came home from school asking them to sell stuff. Duct tape anyone?

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